Current mood:	pensive
Current music:	Linkin Park; Breaking the Habit

And this is how it ends...


I have once again been fucked over by being too kind.

My trusting and caring nature has led me into a big fucking scandal of drama, deceit, and lies. This is high-school stuff. I may be going into high school, but many, if not all of you will agree that my maturity is extended far past that. I am sick and tired of this bullshit.

Because I care about people, and want to change them for the better, I end up getting dragged into these things. I learned an important lesson from social studies last year, and I never really realised how helpful it could be in real life nowadays.

Real people want more of anything, and will stop at nothing to get it. More power, money, friends, whatever. It's an addiction. It never occured to me that this lust for more and more of something could apply to sympathy or sometimes even empathy.

Even so, I want to know how I keep getting douped by these people. They do the same things. "My life is so hard, my parent(s) are mean to me, no one loves me, and on top of all that, I cut myself!" With every person, the story is slightly different. Problems with saying 'I love you' -- either too much, or not enough. This time, it was insanity. Insecurity. Fear.

All these things make people do stupid shit. Making up stories to get attention that is not only desired for, but needed. What makes people need it? My guess is that they never got enough to begin with. Mostly, I say they just like being the center of attention and want everyone to pity them. Give them things, money, friendship.

Kamikaze friendships. That's what these are. Reckless, dangerous friendships. I need to quit finding the people who can't seem to stop taking advantage of me.

I mean, seriously folks... This happens all the time. And I never learn. I guess there's a big part of me that doesn't want to see the bad in people. Even when I'm being told that these people are bad news, or I should get myself out of the friendship before I get hurt, and I STILL don't believe them. I just don't want to.

Now, a lot of you are probably wondering what the fuck I'm talking about. And that's probably for a good reason, since this was a huge bit of drama between a few people. However, if I saw a random vague post like this, I'd be curious as fuck as to what it's about.

God. Where do I start? Alright, from the beginning. I met someone in a Linkin Park community, over tattoos, I think. We had a mini comment war in this community and friended each other and all that. She starts telling me about herself over AIM because it's faster and more convenient than over LJ comments.

This is where it gets weird. She lets on and sometimes elaborates about a lot of problems she has. For instance, her father died and her mom is a "bitch"; always whining at her about something. In actuality, her mom doesn't sound as bad as she makes her out to be. Why would you get mad if your mom asked you to take your gramma to the Doctor if it interrupted a PR show? Not like you were going for anyone except the last two acts anyway.

Her excuse was that her mom wanted her to do it because she (mom) wanted to get her nails done or something; it doesn't matter. Basically, it was something nice for herself. How is that different from going to a concert?

Either way, I ignored it because I must have this holy quest or something that drives me to do these things. I have to change them into better, well rounded people or something. Wait folks, it gets better. She has another quirk.

Her story is that she was able to stop cutting because of Linkin Park. Well, that's fine, because I'm sure a lot of people feel that way. Ok. Whatever. But my "wtf?" alarms should've been going off when she said to me that basically, she thinks LP stalks her. Everywhere she goes, everything she sees, something is there to remind her of them. She turns on the radio, they're on. TV? There they are. And SHUFFLE on her winamp playlist almost always results in LP or Grey Daze. Why, that OBVIOUSLY means that they're stalking her. I mean, coincidences don't exist, right?

Anyway, she got their names tattooed in Kanji on her arms. That's fine too, because a lot of people get band related tattoos all the time. No biggy. Her only reliance on not cutting herself is Linkin Park randomly coming on the radio, or something. What lifesavers!

But don't get me wrong, because I know that LP's music is very inspiring and all that. Really. I'm a fan, you know. Here's where it gets good. Carey and Jen, 2 of her real-life friends plot this elaborate scheme to hack into her computer or some shit and make her life/relationships with friends a living hell. And I'm sure Carey DID do a few things. But if this was just a prank, I don't think it would've lasted 2+ days.

It's not even what they said or did that made me so upset about this. It's the fact that she just stood by and watched as her internet life fell down around her. Instead of trying to get Carey and Jen to stop what they were doing, she scrambled around trying to rebuild or do minor repairs on friendships that might be damaged as a result of this. But the problem with that is that it got worse, because she got caught in a few lies or at least a few deceitful twists of words. Or something. The point is, she was not doing everything she should have to fix this problem, and therefore let Jen and Carey and even her lies drag us, her friends that she values oh so much, into this.

That, my friends, is why this is the end of that friendship. I don't think that anything could redeem the behaviors that I have witnessed over the past 72 hours. And so, we can only hope that I've finally learned my lesson and will stop reaching out to people who I think might actually need it, but in reality are attention seekers desperate for some sympathy when none is due. Also, I must listen to the friends I have that are better at reading people than I am, as they usually turn out to be right. Then again, I wouldn't want to deprive them of their "I told you so" rights, would I?

It's all about the subliminal messages. First letter of every paragraph, people...read it.



[edit @ 11:22 pm; original post @ 7:55 pm]: Well, now I'm 100% certain that Jen and Carey are both innocent, except for the post that Carey made in her own journal. The lengths that people will go to for attention...::sigh::